It's been a question as old as time itself: Which type of Matthew is the best?
The answer to the best types of Gloria, and the worst types of John were revealed long ago, but the 'Matthew conundrum' has baffled scientists and name fans alike for years
Until now...
Flip It News has managed to get our hands on a recent study out of a German University, which once and for all puts to bed this question.
Unfortunately, the super computer used was unable to determine the absolute 'best Matthew', but it was able to whittle the shortlist down to five, so without further ado, here are the five best types of Matthew!
1. Brown Hair Matthew
Number one on the list was always a strong contender, and now confirmed. Any Matthew with brown hair will always outrank a Matthew of a different hair colour. It doesn't matter how much hair they have, as long as it's brown. Therefore, the Matthew in the picture to the right will always be better than a blonde Matthew with a perfect hair cut. Strange, but true!
2. Basketball Matthew
The next entry on the list is this guy. You may know him as that guy. Either way he's the basketball guy, and in this case the Basketball Matthew. Fit, strong an agile (also most likely very tall), this Matthew is a towering hulk of a Matthew. Revered by all except the other Matthews. Weirdly, the study found that it's not the fact he is a sportsman that makes him so great, it is purely the Basketball element. Football Matthew, Baseball Matthew....They all pale in comparison to this god of a man! Oh, Matthew!
3. Bad at Mathematics Matthew
Any true Matthew should actively reinforce their own brand of person. This means ensuring that nothing involving any part of their name is given much thought too. Mathematics falls into this category. The sneaky ancient art starts its name with 'Mat', which as we can see is very similar to Matthew. A True Matthew will never allow this to gain traction in our world, and will therefore never learn it. Ergo, they will be bad at mathematics.
Bad at Mathematics Matthew = Great at life Matthew.
4. Loves Throwing Acorns Matthew
Quite a simple one here; any Matthew that loves to throw an acorn is a Matthew that knows how to be good at his name. Such is his passion for acorn throwing, he will occasionally steal them from a squirrel's stash, and then start chucking them all over the place. However, any Matthew that likes to play conkers...That Matthew is no good. Stay clear!
Poor allergic to fish Matthew. He cannot eat fish. He wants to, he really does. but he is allergic. He cannot consume the water based critters. Alas, do not feel bad for him! this Matthew is one of the top types of Matthews in the world. He may be unhappy about his lack of Omega-3 intake, but he sure is happy that he is great!
And there we have it folks, the five best types of Matthew officially revealed for the first time! Remember, keep an eye out for these on the streets, or at home. You could be living with one of the best types of Matthew and not even know it!
If you have any comments regarding the list, or even suggestions about potentially better Matthews, please leave a comment below and we will be sure to pass it on to the German Team responsible for these findings!
The answer to the best types of Gloria, and the worst types of John were revealed long ago, but the 'Matthew conundrum' has baffled scientists and name fans alike for years
Until now...
Flip It News has managed to get our hands on a recent study out of a German University, which once and for all puts to bed this question.
Unfortunately, the super computer used was unable to determine the absolute 'best Matthew', but it was able to whittle the shortlist down to five, so without further ado, here are the five best types of Matthew!
1. Brown Hair Matthew
Number one on the list was always a strong contender, and now confirmed. Any Matthew with brown hair will always outrank a Matthew of a different hair colour. It doesn't matter how much hair they have, as long as it's brown. Therefore, the Matthew in the picture to the right will always be better than a blonde Matthew with a perfect hair cut. Strange, but true!
2. Basketball Matthew
The next entry on the list is this guy. You may know him as that guy. Either way he's the basketball guy, and in this case the Basketball Matthew. Fit, strong an agile (also most likely very tall), this Matthew is a towering hulk of a Matthew. Revered by all except the other Matthews. Weirdly, the study found that it's not the fact he is a sportsman that makes him so great, it is purely the Basketball element. Football Matthew, Baseball Matthew....They all pale in comparison to this god of a man! Oh, Matthew!3. Bad at Mathematics Matthew
Any true Matthew should actively reinforce their own brand of person. This means ensuring that nothing involving any part of their name is given much thought too. Mathematics falls into this category. The sneaky ancient art starts its name with 'Mat', which as we can see is very similar to Matthew. A True Matthew will never allow this to gain traction in our world, and will therefore never learn it. Ergo, they will be bad at mathematics.
Bad at Mathematics Matthew = Great at life Matthew.
4. Loves Throwing Acorns Matthew
Quite a simple one here; any Matthew that loves to throw an acorn is a Matthew that knows how to be good at his name. Such is his passion for acorn throwing, he will occasionally steal them from a squirrel's stash, and then start chucking them all over the place. However, any Matthew that likes to play conkers...That Matthew is no good. Stay clear!
5. Allergic to Fish Matthew
Poor allergic to fish Matthew. He cannot eat fish. He wants to, he really does. but he is allergic. He cannot consume the water based critters. Alas, do not feel bad for him! this Matthew is one of the top types of Matthews in the world. He may be unhappy about his lack of Omega-3 intake, but he sure is happy that he is great!
And there we have it folks, the five best types of Matthew officially revealed for the first time! Remember, keep an eye out for these on the streets, or at home. You could be living with one of the best types of Matthew and not even know it!
If you have any comments regarding the list, or even suggestions about potentially better Matthews, please leave a comment below and we will be sure to pass it on to the German Team responsible for these findings!
Comments
Post a Comment